Christmas time! Let's see what we have...

I was trying to think of what to post for Christmas time, and it occurred to me what with this being Christ's birthday and all coming up, I should revisit the many, many e-mails from "Christ Michael". Enjoy, and happy holidays!
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[names, address, and phone number of ex-wife and her husband removed]I was visiting [daughter's name removed] that day, like I usually did on Saturday, and I told [ex's husband's name removed] and [ex's name removed] that their Gold Rings are basically worthless, just cosmetics, or electronics oriented.I told them that music is valuable because it is with you in the after life and has great beauty.They were so offended that they kicked me out of my daughter's visitation and accused me of being mentally ill.[ex's husband name removed] then followed me through the desert lot and I was filming him with my mini DVDCam. (Canon ZR85)[ex's husband name removed] is guilty of many other crimes also that day. He tried to 86 me from [place name removed].*He also owes about $50,000 in child support, from what I was told by him.*He called ahead to [name removed] Casino, where I arrived on the Bus (I Paid $12 minus $7 refund). I had a free buffet ticket and when I got there the Security Gaurd wearing a Red jacket, who I Know from living in [city name removed], said "you are not coming in here today"!! I could not eat my free buffet.I then went, while still recording some video footage, to sit down to wait for my Bus ride back to [city name removed]. An officer stopped to talk to me and checked out my Camera and said I have not broken any laws.(He knows who I am.)[ex's husband name removed] lied to [ex's name removed]and [daughter's name removed], and also called my former room mate - [name removed], (who I caught Stealing my Urantia Book in my [city name removed] apartment.) and said I could not have my personal belongings back. I already paid [ex's husband name removed] and [ex's name removed] $150 in storage fees and then they promised to return my stereo, bicycles and other belongings.They refused to let me talk to, or visit my daughter [daughter's name removed].Nevada & Utah can now take [ex's husband name removed] and/or [ex's name removed] to Jail.I have been paying almost $500 per month in child support and I have the documents proving Biological Fathership, which [name removed] also signed. I also have a copy of [daughter's name removed]'s Birth Certificate.[ex's husband name removed] has already co-erced [daughter's name removed] on the Internet Gambling Black Jack which is only Legal for 21 Years and older.He taught her Gambling and broke the Law by allowing [daughter's name removed] to push the buttons on the keyboard of his PC to play Black Jack for credits.Nevada Gaming Commission can now Take [ex's husband name removed] To Jail for that crime.Also Child Endangerment, Neglect and Abuse.[ex's husband name removed] told [ex's name removed], [name removed] and I this crime.[daughter's name removed] is 5 years of age.D.O.B. [date removed][names, address, and phone number of ex-wife and her husband removed]P.S. [name removed], of [location removed] was called and lied to by [former roommate's name removed].I have her email address and phone number.She has agreed to be a witness.*I want to regain visitation with our daughter Quincy.Verily,Christ Michael[real name, address, phone number removed]

Reminiscing: The Dead Queue trick

Today's update is a little different: a little reminiscing about my job in customer service, inspired by Blank Top Cab and Bannable Offenses.

As I've mentioned before, I wasn't always an e-mail rep. I used to work the phones.
Back then I was the model of professionalism. I could argue with a customer for 20 minutes and not give an inch if the policy backed me, and even though they'd be swearing at me and calling me all kinds of things, I never got mean with my customers. There are a lot of things a tech support CSR can pull to make your life harder, especially if you're an IT guy and depend on tech support for your job. I knew all of them, but I never went there. But other CSRs did.

One of the favorite punishments: the Dead Queue trick.

See, for just about every product Microsoft makes, tech support has a different phone queue for their phone calls. The CSRs job is to put you in the right queue (once you pay up, or whatever you have to do). Sometimes, a product gets old and they stop supporting. Usually, when they do that, they remember to turn off the phone queue. But not always.

Once in awhile, they would overlook that step. They would train the techs to support a different product and have them logging into that new product's queue to take calls. And the old queue just sat there, unused, because the CSRs new that product was unsupported and would just turn you away.

Until you piss one off.

Let's say you call in because your e-mail server is down, and you're being a jerk. Demanding to speak to a tech right away, one in the good ol' U.S. of A., for godsakes, and you're not going to pay because it's a problem with the product, and on and on and on. And then you call the CSR a "piss-ant" because he can't deliver this miracle support. And this CSR knows that the old queue for, say, Kid's games for the Macintosh is no longer used, but still exists.

He gets all nice, gives you your case number, promises you sunshine and roses, and transfers you. Into the Kids' games for Mac queue. You hear the hold music, you hear the pre-recorded announcements about how you can look for answers on support.microsoft.com. And you will hear that music until you hang up or die, because no one is logged in to take calls from that queue.

I.T. guys are used to waiting an hour or more for tech support. They'll listen to that hold music for a looooong time before they realize something's wrong.

The Holy Microsoft Empire

Another one that just leaves you saying, "huh?"
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Subject: Kindness of Mr. Gates, Boss
If you don't like the idea of "Holy MicroSoft Empire". How about "Holy IBM Empire", "Holy Google Empire", or "Holy Another Empire"? It is said there was a little boy who pulled out "the Sword in the Stone" became King of England. There is no King Arthur in the history of England, yet "the Knights of the Round Table" probably origins from "William the Conqueror" (Actually, he is a French Viking. That may be partially because his English isn't very good. Afterward, Cabinet was born in similar conditions). As for Merlin, "General Counsel", seemed to come from Aristotle, the teacher of Alexander. Why does this story sound a bit like IBM PC? I'd ever in the name of "Eric", because the rhythm of the movie "Chariots of Fire" (It seemed every Ben and Jerry here all changed into this name for a period of time, while "Alex" became popular in H.K). Later on, I learned that it's a Viking name. You know the source in North Europe are limited and is uneasy to survive. When Vikings were grown up, they were used to go abroad to establish another colonies. Such as Ericsson, father of William the Conqueror, and Bill Gates (He is an American Viking. Their ancestors are all pirates). I don't know if you read "the Knight in rusty armor", the novel by Robert Fisher. I only know pondering like a monk must drive me crazy. Why don't you keep a wrench, perhaps you may get some brilliant ideas on horse back. Not for racing, of course. Still you may raise clone of Champion horses, yet beware to keep kids from them. I ever mentioned the Pre-Chairman of PRC was much fond of me, but it seems he is going to kill me now. Will you help me? Happy birthday to me [name and birthdate removed]

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